Start Your Own Cult! It'll be Fun!

Cults are a bad word aren't they? Not in the same way c*nt is or f*ck. It's a bad word that conjures the most dangerous and scary images. Jonestown. Those weird asteroid people. David Karesh. Chopping your balls off. Ooo Ooo and the Thugee cult from the Indiana Jones Temple of Doom movie! All these images come to peoples minds when they think of a cult, but this wasn't the way cults have always been. Originally it was a term for a group who practiced rituals and later groups whose practices or beliefs were considered strange (Wiki) and I think we need to go back to THAT meaning. My solution? Encourage people to start their own cults, and I being the master of strategy of this movement will set down some guidelines for these cult to maintain a good image and so we don't slip into castration and arsenic KoolAid. Alright? Great! Here we go.

1. Every cult needs a leader and who better to lead your cult then you. But don't let it go to your head, while you maybe the leader you are not god and you have to remember that if you want to have fun.

2. No cult may exceed 20 members, and this is a damn high mark but maybe you're a popular guy/gal so I'll indulge you. But once you get more that 20 you have to break up part of it and encourage your people to pursue different cults or to start their own.

3. No members of any cult will be made to pay. This isn't Scientology. This isn't the Lions Club. This is more like a study group that doesn't study anything. What you bring to the cult is exactly what you will take from it.

4. There is no God as far as the cult is concerned. Does that mean you personally can't believe in god? No. Of course not, different strokes for different folks, but you do not bring religion into your cult. religion will poison and misshapen your sweet and innocent cult. Just look at David Karesh and Rev. Jim Jones and Warren Jeffs. See religion is no good for cults. If religion is brought up you will be politely asked to leave the cult.

5. There should be some kind of dress that sets you apart from other people. You're special why shouldn't you be set apart. I would suggest a robe, for comfort, but whatever best suits you but everybody should be alike in dress. This apparel does not have to be worn constantly just whenever you have a "meeting" or whenever you feel like wearing it *It's a great conversation starter

6. No cult shall have sinister ulterior motives. The cult is first and foremost a group to be with people who share like thoughts however wacky they may be, which brings me to

7. Every cult must have something completely wacky and senseless as their beacon of thought i.e. The Cult of Bare Feet, The Cult of the Magic 8 Ball (hands off lads this ones mine), the Cult of 1/2 and 1/2, The Cult of the Sacred Glowing Orb (Lightbulb), etc. It has to be something pretty odd. No remember these objects aren't god, although they maybe sacred, they should never be worshipped or killed over. in the end they are just objects and ideas and that is the dumbest thing to fight over.

Now remember all major religions started as a cult and they let it go to their head. So if someone doesn't believe in your cult that does not give you the right to kill them or force them into your beliefs. I believe we can take the word "cult" back from the religious wackos. So get out there and get busy.

For further reading look into Bokononism