She's So....

Heavy. It seems that life never seems to work out for my sister and I. I am currently not enrolled at MSU, I have not been for two semesters now. Am I happy with that decision? Yes. I was not taking my school very seriously and I needed time to get serious about it and then I would go back. I do plan on going back but not because I want to, far from it, it is because I have invested too much time to not finish. I HATE COLLEGE. Always have and I am damned sure that I always will. It was not enjoyable to me at any time. The people I met were enjoyable but the situation itself was always highly unpleasant. And I have come to find out that that is the same way my sister feels. (Perhaps it's a blood thing) She is frustrated with college and for the first time I am able to meet eye to eye with someone who is going through the same shit. Neither one of us is very motivated (Blood thing?) and I like talking to her because we both see where the other is coming from our thoughts drift from dark to unstable but we always recover. She is fessing up to her beliefs I am still in the corner. I have not told my family I stopped going to college because I mean seriously who the hell thinks that's a good idea. I mean if you knew my mother you would understand why that is the worst idea. She seems to think like most people in America that you need college and a career to be sucessful in life. That would be so if that person knew what they wanted to do with their life. I do not know what I want to do with my life, and for a man 23 close to 24 years of age that is not a very good thing to say. I correct that, I do know what I want to do with my life but I have a very slim chance of being allowed to do it or a understanding family to accept it. I want to make movies. I have since I was very young and saying that in this country is like a girl wanting to be a princess. Stranger things have happened and I could very well become a film maker, but lets be serious until I actually achieve it I will be branded as a nutball with overambitious desires. I was lost until I realized that. Going to school to become an art major when I am not very good at art. I was never good at anything: math, science, economics, english, history. I pursued an art degree as a last ditch effort and much to my dismay found out that I have zero talent for the field. And then there's filmmaking. You can't make a lot of money filmmaking. "Well you could work for different people doing commercials and advertisements for their businesses" Yea and then I could grab a ten gauge and suck it to climax. I don't want to meander through life just doing jack and jill's wedding videos and commercials for Big Pete's House of Munch I want to make something of value. I want to make something that will stand the test of time. I want to make something that people aspire to or some bullshit like that. I don't even know I just want to make people laugh. There! There it is! All I ever wanted to do. I want to make lots of people laugh. I'm good at it. I think. It was always the one thing that I could do that I believed, at a young age, would make people love and accept me. I always knew that I was odd and always thought that I was not desirable as a person. But when I made people laugh it was like I was being embraced by them. Loved by them. That's all I ever wanted to do. And not in a cheeky clown sorta way. I never liked clowns. I just want to be able to look at something with pride and I know that the thing would not be teaching or being a business man or even, dare I say, making art. There are too many people out there to shit on art and my talents and mindset are too fragile for art critics. But to get out there and make people laugh...that's something else. Above all else is laughter. It makes you warmer and happier in the darkest times and to know that you were capable of doing that for someone is just great. I don't want to go back to college but I will. I might. If I could afford it.

MZU: Day 1

So the first night of shooting on MZU has come and gone. Way past gone now (I know I need to stay on the ball) The day started pretty early at 1 p.m. there was a brief meeting and the "zombies" went to get made up. We had the good benefit of working with Stephanie Burris who is really good at the whole makeup process. Then we paused for lunch and then we made the trek to Sundance to start shooting. Cut to sundown and at 7 p.m. we started shooting. First scene in the can and spirits were high. The shot was apparently great. Then we shot another one. Cut to a little later we shot another scene that turned out good. Subnote: We had the cops called on us because apparently someone saw some of the chase scenes and thought it was REAL! Tits! Anyway the shooting kept going along and it seemed that I was apparently doing all the running (I am still sore) Then there was a large pregnant pause in the middle of the night. I mean about an hour and a half of dead time during which apparently the directors were trying to figure something out. Then we went to the front to do some more shooting and it was then that the underlying diorganinization of the night started becoming abundantly clear. After a quick running they took another long pause and shot one of the characters last stand. And after a helluva time shooting that we wrapped for the night. Some of the fellow actors and myself noticed the inconsistency of the crew. And by all means it wasn't their fault. I know what it must be like but in this case the phrase of the day was "Too many chiefs and not enough Indians." The following day they sent out calls, called off production for a while, and apologized for their faults, which I thought was very mature of them. And with fingers crossed the production should pick up after Christmas. And I do hope they continue the project because I am more that glad to daty on and see this thing to the end.

Still Trying to Get These Rocks to Float

Up to this point in my life I've been part of 3 "major" productions. One was a "Doofus Brothers" TV pilot that was kinda delayed heavily due to the fact that the director's house was flooded in that huge washout we had a couple of years ago however that was A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO! Then we shot a movie based on those characters (I guess) and we shot that in the December January of 2009. And so far there is progress but its moving at the speed of evolution so that'll be a while and by the time it does come out we'll be flying space cars and using our entire brain capacities so the jokes will probably be way below radar. So I was excited when I was told about and was cast in a small independent college film "MZU," I thought "Finally, a production that would see the light of day." And then the first night of work started, which I have previously commented on. And again I have nothing but the best hopes for the production and I hope that this will be the one to make it past post-production and not die in Limbo. All of these situations just fuel my desire to get my own camera and start with my own ideas. And me and my partner (not in the Nathan Lane sense but in the Brooks and Wilder sense) have decided that when we do get a camera we are gonna do all the real simple short stuff and put it up so it can attract some attention to our group and get some practice until we get enough experience to make bigger projects. And then we can do something great. I just NEED to finish something! ANYTHING!

Working...

So I am getting damned excited about the project. I just saw a rough cut of some stuff and I gotta say it looks damn clean. Now there isn't a lot of stuff that is going on mostly just camera shots but the man in the tan jacket is really bringing his A game. He very obviously (and as proven before) don't fuck around. All the work is gonna take place in the next couple of days and it should be some action packed couple of days. Hopefully when the finished product rolls down the line it'll be a damn good flick. Someday soon me and my partner may have something awesome to roll along with. Meeting some awesome people along the way. People that may help with future projects. Keep you updated suckheads.

MZU

So I don't know what I can officially say since there isn't a lot in the air but I just got through reading the script for MZU and let me say I'm jazzed as hell about the upcoming shoot. It really feels like a good project, although some aspects of the technical side seem a bit to over-dramatic it deems to be a fantastic ride.

The Beginning...

So it begins. The everyday musings of an escaped mental patient in his daily pursuits to throw off the shackles of everyday life and begin to live life anew. I plan on noting this confound future machine of my daily achievemnets towards this end. Until then I am left typing. Typing .Typing!